"Next time you see me, don't be suprised if I've eaten!" - Dr. Zoidberg, "Futurama."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Jess - "What do you plan on doing with the sword and dagger after Halloween?"
Kurt - "...Stabbing people."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Dude, you rule."
Foss - "Duh."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Frylock - "How long have you been in that dryer?"
Meatwad - "Like a week."
Shake - "Now, it was more like...3 days." - Aqua Teen Hunger Force
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Meatwad - "Shake!!! Where is my popsicle?! I require a popsicle every 15 minutes. You obviously did not read
the memo."
Shake *holds up drawing of a mouse* - "Is this your memo?! I don't even know what this is!"
Meatwad - "You sicken me with your lies." *shocks him with electric shock*
Shake - "I'll go to the store and get you some!!"
Meatwad - "Get me some? Yes you will! Now what is the magic word, bitch?!"
Shake - "May I please go to the store and get you some popsicles sir master sire?!?!"
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Stop! No one has to die for this stupid cause. You have no right...no one does..." - Vash, "Trigun"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Feeny - "So where are you going to school, Kane?"
Me - "I'm goin' to RIC. Gonna learn how to be on your side of the poteum."
Feeny - "Whoa, lemme tell you something about RIC, man...there are a LOT of hot girls at RIC."
Me - "Hahaha! Aren't you married with a son and another kid on the way?"
Feeny - "...Shut up, and let me dream."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Roy - "Yeah, I guess Phil Hirth came back."
J. Pics - "So I heard."
Foss - "Yeah, he was gone for a while, but he supposedly got his GED."
J. Pics - "Hmmm...out of school for a long time, didn't technically graduate...sounds like Vinacco."
Me, Foss, Roy - "HAHAHA!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Mr. Coombs - "Foss, take the hat off!"
Foss - "What?! You didn't tell Kane to take his hat off!"
Mr. Coombs - "That's cause he graduated. You're just a king of sorts."
Foss - "...Can't argue that."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party." - Robin Williams
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"That's a stupid thing to say, and you're a stupid person for saying it." - Stephen Kolbert
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Mac KILLED my inner child..." - Hunter Pressell
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Cartman - "Gay!"
Stan - "Totally gay."
Kyle - "Liberacci gay." - South Park
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Well, calculus, Dr. Foster says you're going to be very good for me. Well I'm afraid I'm not going to be very
good for you! I'll see you in hell, second derivative graph function!" - Brad
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Leela - "But how can you be a cook if you don't have a sense of taste?"
Bender - "Honey, I wouldn't be talking about taste if I was wearing a lime-green tank top..."
Fry - "BAM!" - Futurama
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*playing Halo*
Katie - "Bahahahahaha! I killed you!"
Foss - "Someone's acting WAY too happy to be killing people."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Only Foss can turn a wrong turn into a road trip." - Katie
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Katie - *Laughing as she shoots me in Halo*
Me - "Vinacco! Control your girlfriend! She's actually scaring me!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Neo - "I know Kung-Fu."
Morpheus - "...Show me." - The Matrix
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I...am...a...GOD!" - Sephiroth, "Final Fantasy VII"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Oh, I feel so deliciously white trash...Mommy, I want a mullet!" - Stewie, "Family Guy"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"It's not good to get a horde of techies after you." - Deej
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Liberal lawyers looking to alleviate criminal responsibility have their sights aimed on my violent video
games. However, to take these video games from me, they will have to pry them from my cold, dead hands." - McGarry
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If you fail this course, you are a class-A RETARD." - Prof. Walton
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Luke - "I sense a disturbance in the Force."
Kyle - "You ALWAYS sense a damn disturbance in the Force..." - Star Wars, Jedi
Knight: Jedi Academy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Since when do you drink?"
Amanda - "Since I moved to Tibet."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Rock on, Sox. Rock the fizzuck on."
Katy - "HAHA! Fizzuck?! That's...amazing!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Chris - "How about some ice cream, dude?"
Stewie - "Very well...but no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find...I shall kill you..."
- Family Guy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Dylan - "Dude, I feel like shit. Everything sucks."
Me - "I concur. WE DRINK!"
Dylan - "Oh sweet, sweet nectar..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Give a woman one inch and they cut your nuts off and take your wallet." - Foss
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I've never made anybody's life easier, and you know it!" - Bender, Futurama
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Agent Smith is God." - Kurt
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Kyle - "Vjun? Isn't that just a cold, dead rock?"
Luke - "It also happens to be the site of one of my father, Vader's, strongholds."
Kyle - "Sooooo...it's a cold, dead, important rock." - Star Wars, Jedi Knight:
Jedi Academy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Meg - "I'm really hot, but I can't take this shirt off."
Jose - "I'm really hot too, but I can't take this face off."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Storm - "Guess what I'm doing tomorrow."
Birdsie - "Getting laid?"
Storm - "Nope! I'm having a yard sale."
Birdsie - *laughs*
Storm - "That's right. I set up my bazaar, and then I get to sit back all day, drink, and haggle with people."
- 103.7 FNX radio
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"'Pardon me, but do you have any Grey Pupon?' Who the fuck cares, you fucking English bastard?! Get the fuck
out of here!" - Greg Furguson
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying his
acorns for the winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper
died, and the octopus ate all his acorns. And also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?" - Fry, "Futurama"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Because I learned probably just this year, 3 halves don't make any sense." - Ayla
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You should come over or something. After next week. The week of suck." - Deej
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*In Demick's truck: Demick - left, Mark - middle, Duffer - left*
*Duffer steals Demick's fries*
*Demick and Duffer start punching each other*
"God damn it! Stop it! I feel like Poland!!!" - Mark
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Bah, this is such an off day. What's wrong with me?"
Vinacco - "Venus is in retrograde, and the energy of Jupiter is being blocked by the energy of the moon. So in
other words, I have no idea."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I don't need no instructions to know how to rock!" - Carl, "ATHF"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"FIGNUTS!" - Cpt. Murphy, "Sealab 2021"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Oh Peter, that is the height of just-too-muchery." - Cleveland, "Family Guy"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Scoring tickets to an execution is like getting front-row tickets to Nascar, and you KNOW that Jeff Gordon is
going to die." - Dep. Junior, "Reno 911"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If I wasn't so sure that you were a lesbian, I'd say you were coming on to me." - Peter Griffin, "Family Guy"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Who knew that the Olsen twins would grow up to be so fucking hot?" - Hal Sparks
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"If all animals were as hot as Cheetara, I do NOT think I'd have a problem with bestiality." - Zack Hanson
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Yeah, change would be at the top of my priorities. If I had priorities." - Ayla
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Even God has a sense of humor. Look at the platypus." - Kevin Smith
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Erin - "I'm hungry. I mean REALLY hungry."
Me - "ERIN NEEDS BLOOD OF NEWBORN CHILD! GRAARRR!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Cloppy the Horse - "I took your advice, Conan, and I killed the farmer's wife."
Conan - "Cloppy?! Why?!"
Cloppy the Horse - "Well, I figured she'd kill me too so I offed that bitch."
- Late Night with Conan O'Brien
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Dr. Weird *hanging upside down* - "Gentlemen...chop off my head with such velocity, that my blood will rocket
through my neck, and propel my lifeless body all the way to Phoenix!"
Steve - "...Wow. W-What's in Phoenix?"
Dr. Weird - "Why, it's your mama, Steve! Get the axe!"
- ATHF
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Who bothered to spawn you?! And WHY?!" - Shake, "ATHF"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Dylan's Uncle - "Unfortunately, women were put on this earth to torture us."
Dylan - "Yeah, screw women. I want my rib back."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*talking about new-skool vampire costume*
"If I was thinner and blacker, I'd look like Morpheus." - Kurt
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*points to Meatwad*
"Look at him, and tell me there's a God." - Shake, "ATHF"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*talking about Kurt's car*
Me - "It's a stick."
Dylan - "Yeah, I can handle a stick."
Me - *supresses laughter*
Dylan - "...I hate you."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Look, Dexter, kids are stupid. They do idiotic things for no reason at all, and then they go to prison!" - Dad,
"Dexter's Laboratory"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You are a fucking crazy man, Joshua." - Katy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Casey asked me today why the mini buses get to have tinted windows, and I told her that maybe it was because
there were retarded kids inside. I felt bad, but then I laughed." - Ayla
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"One of my favorite things to do at a party is smoke a bunch of PCP and start taking people's rectal temperatures
without permission." - George Carlin
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Sleep deprivation can be an ally."
Deej - "Sleep what are is? *slaps self* Zoloft time!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I feel like I was mauled by Jesus." - Fry, "Futurama"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Women confuse me." - Dylan
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Josh? Evil? Only on thursdays." - Cait
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!" - Tucker, Red vs. Blue
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"It'd be so funny if Frank comes home in December, and he's 6'4", 280 pounds." - Brad
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Abassi - "So what day was the hottest during your ordeal in Iraq?"
Captain Powell - "Man, every day was the hottest. it seemed to get hotter and hotter every day after we landed
at Sadam's palace. And it's not like there was any relief from the heat either. The fucking air force took out the swimming
pool and the power, so we didn't have any air conditioning...blue-suit bastards..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Yeah, I bet your boyfriend loves it." - Church, Red vs. Blue
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"We rule." - Deej
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I took Deej to play DDR tonight."
Dylan - "Oh man! Did you get it on tape?!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*after taking massive amounts of ginseng*
"I fell like...8 times and didn't feel it. And then I did a no-handed kickup each time...then I fell in the leaves...Then
I rolled down a hill and cut myself. Then I ate pie." - Dylan
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Ever seen 'White Man Can't Jump?' I want my Daytona to be the automotive equivalent of Woody Harrelson in that
movie." - Kurt
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I'm happy AND angry!" - Ralph, "The Simpsons"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
...
Leela - "Ability to command sea creatures?"
Fry - "Hmm...Zoidberg! Get in here!"
Dr. Zoidberg - "Screw you!" - Futurama
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"That was so horrible, I think you gave me cancer." - Calculon, "Futurama"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"You know you've kicked a country's ass when they have to dig a hole to have a meeting." - Jay Mohr
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*after stressful drill competition*
Duffer - "So, are you done being old and cranky?"
Dad - "No, I'm not. Shut up and get the fuck out of my office."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I realized that my penis is like a retarded little brother. It means well, but is ultimately driven by curiosity
and the need to be hugged." - Chris Hardwick
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"I love Jews." - Mom
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*praying* "Dear god, or godlike figure. Look around...YOU OWE ME!" - Milo, "The Oblongs"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Well, I do have a pen and a prescription pad. And there's no problem I'm not willing to throw a pill at." -
Doctor, "The Oblongs"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Pirateology is probably the tightest out of all the ologies. Except for pornology." - Taylor
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*talking about facial*
"I had this hot girl massage my face while I was naked. She asked me if I wanted to leave my pants on or off,
and it was the hardest question of my life." - Mulligan
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*D.A. signs off*
*D.A. signs back on*
"And that's where baby dwarves come from!" - D.A.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I'd make such a good retard."
Vinacco - "Oh yeah, it goes without saying."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Awww, man! Casey is teasing me. This...this isn't right!" - Kyler
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Leela - "Hey! Guess who I just got off the video phone with!"
Bender - "No." - Futurama
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - *singing* "1 little, 2 little, 3 little Indians..."
Carter - "God, I hate you."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I'm actually a really good cook, but a lot of people are skeptical until they taste my food."
Kurt - "Probably because the Irish are just so renowned for their culinary prowess..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
BadGuy666 - "Dear Adult Swim,
Remember when you showed up drunk at my house at 3:00 last week? You still owe me $130.00 for the hole you punched through
my wall.
Adult Swim - "Dear BadGuy666,
Hey! We punched your grandma. She fell through the wall. Take it up with her!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys! Where they don't ask for I.D., and neither do I..." - Quagmire, "Family Guy"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*Girl falls on her ass in the snow*
"Hey, can I brush that off for you?" - McLeod
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "I have my parents convinced I'm insane."
Kristyn - "Hahahaha. It's the crack."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
"Space shows are for children and stupid people." - Space Ghost
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Foss - "Yeah, I go to a satellite campus of Harvard."
Greg West - "OH! Really?"
Foss - "Yepp!"
*Me, Foss, Vinacco, Katie, and Tony attempting not to crack up*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Oh my god! Who's that fox?!"
Katie - "That's my aunt Lisa...*SMACK*"
Vinacco - "Ahhhh..."
*moments later*
Vinacco - "Yeah, mmm, whos' this hottie?"
Katie - "MY MOM!!! *SMACK*"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Haha! That the tax dollars you don't have to provide yet are supplying!"
Vinacco - "Haha, dude. Read that sentence."
Me - "I'm tired and possibly hungover...I can't remember. Leave me alone!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Vinacco - "Yo."
My Away Message - "I eat things sometimes."
Vinacco - "SOMETIMES?! Dude, try like..."I come up for air sometimes."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Katie - "Josh...Nick and I will not fool around in your house."
Me - "Katie...I don't believe you."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*About me*
Katie - "He makes me out to be some sort of sex crazed college chick."
Vinacco - "Oh wait, you're not?"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Abassi - "C'mon. I can take you. Let's go."
Dad - "Please. I could take you down with one finger, with a hit in the right tender spot."
Abassi - *covers crotch*
Dad - "I said 'tender', Jon. Not 'small.'"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
*about Saddam's capture*
"Erratic! Violent! And really funny to watch!" - Ayla
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Kurt - "What do you think they're gonna do with Saddam?"
Me - "Rape him in the ass with the American cock of Justice."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
x_x989 - "Dear Adult Swim, My pet rock died. And
my parents won't let me get a dog. What do I do?"
Adult Swim - "Dear x_x989, Ummmm...well, you should
stop being such a little bitch."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Laura - "There's something cold between my legs."
Kristyn - "Oh, I'm sorry. Let me move my hand."
*Laura spits out soda*
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Foss - "You wanna fight?"
Dylan - "Bring it on."
Foss - "Bitch, I'mma kill you!"
*both step outside*
Kristen - "Dude, are they actually fighting?"
Me - "Yeah. Not like it's anything I haven't seen before."
*From outside* Dylan *screaming* - "Oh my god! He's biting my shoulder!!!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
(Note to all: This is a draft of a Spanish project that was done in 7th or 8th grade. Haha...gotta remember the
old times, kids.)
Deej - "Juega al Scrabble!"
Canino - "Gatos! Seis puntos!"
Me - "Ratoncitos! Doce puntos!"
Deej - "Scrabble: el poder de la palabra."
Deej - "JUEGA AL SCRABBLE!"
Canino - "Ladron, siete puntos!"
Me - "Abuelita, diez puntos!"
Deej - "Scrabble: el poder de la palabra!!!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "So, what's your status for tomorrow?"
Deej - "There is a 93.65 chance that I'll be as bored as fuck."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Robot - "And then they all unionized into-"
Frylock - "Wait, WHO unionized?!"
Robot - "Oh wouldn't you like to know? Probably your mama." -
ATHF
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*I grab last donut*
Devin - "You know, you really are an asshole."
Me - "Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Final Fantasy X Quotes:
"Nothing happens that is not first dreamed." - Rikku
---
"Every story must have an ending." - Auron
---
"Outside the dream world, life can be harsh--even cruel. But it is life." - Auron
---
"Wakka's...a bit lacking in the imagination department." - Lulu
---
"Well helly-doo-sad-wee to you too!" - Tidus
---
"Heh...A summoner with bed hair. What's this world comin' to?" - Wakka
---
*Rikku's bitching about lightning storm* "Fine, we rest...she's worse than the storm." - Auron
---
*Guards deploy at Bevelle gates, with weapons drawn* "Heh...Looks like the red carpet has teeth." - Auron
---
"Ask Auron? That guy never tells me anything!" - Tidus
---
"And to think...if you hadn't come floating out of the sea that day..." - Wakka
---
"I will fight. Even if I have to die...bringing peace to Spira is what I desire." - Yuna
---
*Looks meanly at Tidus* "...Leave Kimahri alone..." - Kimahri
---
Wakka *after making fun of Rikku* - "BOOM! Like happy festival fireworks, ya?"
Rikku - "You can cram your happy festival fireworks, you big meanie!"
---
"Well...that's a lame way to kill someone." - Tidus
---
"Now! This is it! Now is the time to choose! Die and be free of pain, or fight your sorrow. Now is the time to
shape your stories! Your fate is in your hands!" - Auron
---
*after refusing to say something* "You'll cry. You're gonna cry. You always cry! See?! You're crying!" - Jecht
---
"Intriguing. Some just can't wait to die." - Auron
---
"People die, Yuna dances. Hooray." - Tidus
---
*makes a kill* "IT'S OVER!!" - Wakka
---
*makes a kill* "Pray! Now!" - Auron
---
*after encounter with a Behemoth* "How many steaks ya think we can get outta that?" - Wakka
---
*casts bio/poison spell* "This'll help your complexion." - Lulu
---
"I hate this place." - Auron
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Me *grabs Nick's drink* - "Am I gonna get syphilis?" *put bottle to mouth*
Nick - "Ummmmm..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Nick - "Chicken? I hate chicken."
Dylan - "...You're a lying wench."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*cleaning wall after making a HUGE mess*
Rob - "Dude, it's not coming off very easily."
Me - "Then use some more Soft Scrub."
Rob - "I'm not using Soft Scrub. I'm using a mix of Pine-Sol, Ammonia, and Windex. Should I use some dish soap
too?"
Me - "...Just shut up and scrub, Cinderella."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*The morning of New Years Day*
Dad - "Happy New Year. ... ... ...You hungover?"
Me - "Augh...just a little bit. Too much Irish Creme."
Mom *from downstairs* - "WHAAAAAAT?!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
...
Me - "I almost called you 'Meatlock.'"
Kurt - "That's what I call my ass."
Me - "...Bahahaha!"
Kurt - "Yeah, that was disgusting."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kurt - *makes gay joke*
Smay - "These gay jokes have to stop."
Kurt - "...I love you."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*about Christmas present*
Me - "What I got you definitely screams "OHMYGODITSAMANDA!"
Amanda - "That's always good. I like it when things scream my name. ...hey wow, that sounded pretty dirty."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Garreppy - "Do you know why the stock market crashed?"
Me *jokingly* - "HACKERRRRS!"
Garreppy - "That's right!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*after college admission*
"Dude, I think I'm the happiest person on earth right now...although, that could be the acrylic fumes talking."
- Kristyn
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Deej - "Where the hell have YOU been?!"
Me - "Under a rock."
Deej - "Oh...why didn't you kill Saddam?"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Well guess what, bitches! I'm back for a second season! Uh oh! Uh oh! Black man in the living room! Look out!"
- Dave Chappelle
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Zapp Brannigan - "Kiff! Clear my schedule!"
Kiff - *sighs and shakes Etch-a-sketch* - Futurama
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"I know where I've been, and I know what I've done. And the only person I have to answer to is the one
who looks back at me in the mirror." - Dad
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Because I'm a man and this is, after all, the year 2004, I will share equally the housework. You just do the
laundry, the cooking, the gardening, the cleaning, the vaccuming, and the dishes. I'll do the rest.
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about. The answer is always either sex, football,
or Everquest. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was
fine, too. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we please go now?" - Dylan
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"I like cinnamon rolls. I like cinnamon rolls a lot. I wish they would make a cinnamon roll incense, cause
I don't always have time to make a pan. And I could always play a prank on my roommates. I'd light a stick, and give them
false hopes." - Mitch Hedberg
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*About buying a DDR pad for PS2*
Me - "You gotta buy the pad extra. That's where they getcha."
Faye - "How much do they sell DDR pads for? You get like 200 Kotex pads for $3.89."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Zapp Brannigan - "If it's a lesson in love, be careful...I have a very sexy learning disability. What do I call
it, Kif?"
Kiff - *sigh* "Sexlexia."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "My hair is SO sexy."
Ayla - "Well, Josh, let's see. YOU'RE sexy. Your hair is attatched to YOU. By the transitive property of sexiness,
your hair, being attatched to you, is AUTOMATICALLY SEXY. It is for these reasons that I must respond to your most recent
statement by saying DUH.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kurt - "What'd you do this weekend?"
Me - "Foss party last night, Foss party tonight."
Kurt - "Fosstock...a 2-day celebration of love and sandwiches."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*talking about Magic 8 ball*
Kurt - "What else did it say?"
Danielle - "It said you're never going to get laid."
Kurt - "I could have told you that."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Danielle - "Becca is single."
Kurt - "She's out of my league. Well, really, we don't even play the same sport. She's like Major League Baseball,
which makes me...croquet at the Special Olympics."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dad - "Mother, if you don't stop crying I'll-"
Mom - "You try it, and I'll rip your arm off and shove it up your bum!"
Dad - "You do that, and I'll slap you about the face and neck with my newly-acquired bum-arm!"
Mom - "You do that, and I'll bite off your arm, chew it up, and spit the bone fragments into your eyes. Thus
puncturing them and causing the eye liquid to flow into your lungs, drowning you!"
Dad - "...Mother, that was pretty harsh." - "The Brak Show"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dad - "They probably don't even have toilets."
Mom - "Of course they do!"
Dad - "Then they probably flush upwards, spraying bottom-devouring spiders on you!"
- "Brak Show"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Dad - "Mother, people only invite you to dinner for 3 reasons - To sell you vitamins, to drug you and take unpleasant
snapshots, or to convert you to their hideous farming religion." - "Brak Show"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
"Grant me a wish, or I'll jam this badger down your throat and strap this T-bone to your ass!" - Zorak, "Brak
Show"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*^()^*Thank you, James Duffer, for supplying me with this quote*^()^*
Mr. Berry - *walks into doorway* *turns around* *looks at Thorp across hall* "Hey you! Yeah, that's right, you!
Yeah! Yeah!" *closes door*
Mr. Thorp *5 minutes later* - *knocks on door* "What, you wanna start shit, bitch?"
Mr. Berry - "Yeah, that's right, you bastard."
*Mr. Armstrong comes by* Mr. Armstrong - "What's going on here?"
Mr. Berry - "You stay out of this!"
Mr. Thorp - "I'm gonna mess you up."
Mr. Berry - "Oh, you're so dead."
*Berry walks back in room*
Mr. Berry - "...Guy's an asshole."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Me - "Jack Daniel is my hero."
Deej - "A true patriot. He still serves his country."
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*Looks at book* '"L. E. Modesitt Jr., The Octagonal Raven' This looks like shit...and I'm being optimistic."
- White Out
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*Tom Brady throws interception in the endzone*
Marcinko *piss-ass drunk* - "Fuck you Drew Bledsoe! You suck!"
Matt - "Bledsoe doesn't play for the Patriots anymore. That was Tom Brady."
Marcinko - "Who the fuck is Tom Brady?"
________________________________________________________________________________________________
*out of nowhere*
"Dude, I'm out of socks. They're all in the laundry! How sad is that? Me, a 42-year-old Japanese female of the
imperial ruling family is out of socks! Fucking shit!" - Vinacco
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Fry - "I'm not prejudiced!"
Bender - "Eh, save it for the cross burning, Adolf." - Futurama
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"Everyone get in bed with me. I have something to show you." - Professor, "Futurama"
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"Well, gentlemen, it appears we're boned." - Leela, "Futurama"
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"ALRIGHT! Sittin' in a car! Man, I was bored before, but lookit me now! I AMMM SITTIN' IN A CAR!" -
Ayla
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Fry *starts car* - "Hey...listen to that baby purr."
Bender - "So there's a baby in there, huh?" - Futurama
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TV Commercial - "Is today's world making you tense and impatient?"
Bender - "Shut up and get to the point!" - Futurama
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"I want a monsterous pope hat which reads 'I AM THE POPE, YOU FUCK!' And it glows in the dark. And it blinks
'ASSHOLE' on the back." - Damian
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Me - "What? Why me?"
Vinacco - "Because you're a god damn nut."
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"I have never eaten so enthusiastically in my life. I scarfed that baby cow like it was the last veal on earth."
- Amanda
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Me - "Wow. Look. Someone who's more dredded than Damian."
Steve - "More literally dreaded? As in Hitler?"
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Sinister Mike - "Your watch is 6 minutes fast."
Steve - "...Well your watch is stupid and smelly!"
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Vinacco - "Ironic. An Irishman doing an Italian dance."
Me - "It's not hard. I just gotta play some Frank Sinatra and do the same 2 steps side to side."
Vinacco - "Haha. Not entirely."
Me - "Oh yeah, and make pizza."
Vinacco - "At least it's not all 'jigga-jiggida-jidda-jiddda-jiggda-do- jigga jiggajigga jigaagjjiiiagajigjaigjai
jigga-do'. Oh yeah, and cabbage is a good food to eat."
Me - "...I stand before you a broken man."
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*after writing Meg poetry*
...
...
...
Me - "But for my Meg, nothing will go undone!"
Meg - "Awww! And who said chivalry is dead?!"
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*Ding dong*
Dad - "Don't answer it."
Mom - "What if it's Martinez?"
Dad - "Who is this Martinez? I deny ever knowing such a man."
Mom - "But he just-"
Dad - "But he just, what?"
Mom - "Was just at the door."
Dad - "Don't you mean the phone?"
Mom - "So you admit that-"
Dad - "Do I?!"
Mom - "Yes,-"
Dad - "Don't you mean no?!"
*Ding dong*
Dad - "Ah, that'll be Martinez." - "The Brak Show", Shadows of Heat
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Deej - "Oni mode? Random...all? How does that work?"
Me - "Random songs on random difficulties with random mods. Except nothing is over 2x speed. That's just inhumane."
Deej - "Well, anything over 1x is inhumane in the Maxxes."
Me - "I do MaxX on 1.5."
Deej - "Well, that's because you're a goddamn alien."
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***At Work***
Jill *hands Ernie money* - "Thanks for picking up our food."
Ernie - "Hey, no problem. *looks at money* Is this enough money? Is this enough, Jill? Because god friggin' help
you if the bill comes to 17 dollars instead of 15."
Jill - "It shouldn't be more than that."
Ernie - "How much was yours, do you need any change?"
Jill - "I got a burger, no bun, on top of rice pilaf."
Ernie - "...Jackie! How much was Jill's food, and does she need any change?"
-----I LOVE my co-workers.
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Church - "Tucker, we don't have time for this. Why would they give us a teleporter if it didn't work?"
Tucker - "I don't know! Why would they give us a tank that noone can drive?"
Church - "We already tested the teleporter, remember?"
Tucker - "We threw rocks through it!"
Church - "Yeah? And? So what? They came out the other side, didn't they?"
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*About Mel Gibson's film 'The Passion'*
"It's over two hours, so you'll want to buy a large soda and a large box of juju beads. That's right, juju beads.
We're everywhere, baby." - Jon Stewart
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Collette - "I love packages."
Me - "*phhhhhhhhht!*"
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Vinacco *looking at waitress* - "I would SO donkey-punch her."
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*after coming back from idle state*
Me - "back."
Ayla - "Front! Ahhhh! I'm so good at this game!"
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"I looked, and I saw an 'I KNOW RYAN FOSS' shirt, and I thought to myself 'hey, that guy knows Ryan Foss too.
Oh! Wait! That's Josh Kane!" - Katie
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*After finishing 'Legend Of Max'*
Mark - "Hey, you gonna make it?"
Me *winded as hell* - "Dude...*breath* *breath*...I think...*breath* *breath*...My lungs are trying to rape me...*breath*"
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Frylock - "It's about time we invested in a high-definition plasma TV."
Meatwad - "I thought you said TV was bad."
Frylock - "Oh, it is...but we fuckin' need it." - ATHF
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"I'm gonna let off some steam before I explode on some fool." - Spaceghost, "SGC2C"
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Dad - "6:15 comes early."
Me - "I'm not getting up at 6:15."
Dad - "I didn't say you were. I said I was going to bed because 6:15 comes early."
Me - "Oh. I thought you were telling me to go to bed."
Dad - "I'll tell you to go to hell."
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"Hooray! People are paying attention to me!" - Dr. Zoidberg, "Futurama"
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Me - "I'm more mature than you...stupidhead!"
Cait - "Good one...poopface!"
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Church - "Okay, Tucker! I need you to get up there, help Caboose keep up a defense, establish a suppressing fire,
and hold that position until further noted!"
Tucker - "I...didn't even know what half of that meant."
Church - "Just go over to Caboose's rock...and fire your gun a bunch!"
- "Red vs. Blue"
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Kurt - "Mullet."
Mullet - "Emu."
Kurt - "Just thought I'd let you know...I thought I saw you driving somewhere yesterday, but as it turns out,
it was just an ugly lesbian."
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*about...whatever. These conversations with her usually don't have any point whatsoever*
Cait - "Maybe you're growing?"
Me - "Yeah, prolly. There IS an 18/19 year old growth spurt."
Cait - "Well then. I think....my boobs grew! YAY!"
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"Wouldn't I be the funniest drunk EVER?" - Cait
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Ayla - "Yeah, but I'm doing well because I busted my fat ass doing work, not because I'm not in college."
Me - "...I don't think your ass is fat."
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